In this episode, we sit down with Lynchburg resident and new mom Erin Rupe to discuss her journey with a premature baby in the NICU at Virginia Baptist Hospital. We discuss Erin's pregnancy journey, her care through Centra Midwives at CMG Forest Women's Center, and Erin's feedback for supporting parents through difficult situations. We also explore valuable resources like the "MyPreemie" App from Gharam's Foundation, designed to support families through the prematurity and NICU experience. Listen now on all platforms.
Cami Smith:
Hi, and welcome to & So Much More. My name is Cami Smith, and I'm your host, and I'm here with Erin Roop, who I just had the pleasure of meeting for the first time, though we've been emailing back and forth, and she's going to tell us a little bit about her journey as a first time mom and as a mom with a baby who was a preemie and who spent some time in the ICM, correct?
Erin Roop:
Yes.
Cami Smith:
So many babies are delivered at Virginia Baptist, that's just what they're known for, both of my kids were delivered there, and it's a really special place. But at the same time, I feel like there's so much that can be talked about. There's so much that we can have maybe more informed conversations with these new parents to hear, what was your experience? But then also, how can we better your experience? And so we're also going to talk about an app that you did beta test, and it's through the Graham Foundation. So the Graham Foundation is a nonprofit organization who provides all kinds of resources for parents who have preemie babies. And my babies weren't preemies, my babies were huge, unfortunately, and a little after term. But I do want to hear, first your perspective and your experience, but then how you can... Or any information or wisdom really, that you can share with new moms and new dads.
But first, I want to hear about you. Being a new mom, it's completely life changing.
Erin Roop:
Yeah, so you want me to start from the beginning? I had a pretty complicated pregnancy, and I was actually anticipating having my baby about six weeks early probably, and I was going to have to go up to UVA and have my child there and have a specialty team.
Cami Smith:
Oh, wow.
Erin Roop:
My pregnancy was categorized as extremely high risk.
Cami Smith:
Wow.
Erin Roop:
So I had a really rare condition called vasa previa. These are all these things that you don't know about until they just randomly happen to you.
Cami Smith:
No, it's true. Stepping into parenthood is a little mind-blowing, but even pregnancy, there's so much that your body can do and so much that can occur in that timeframe. So I've never heard of this. What was it called again?
Erin Roop:
Vasa previa.
Cami Smith:
Vasa previa.
Erin Roop:
It's one in 3,500.
Cami Smith:
Oh, gosh. I was going to ask if it was common, so I guess not.
Erin Roop:
No, no. It was super rare. And so basically we had this plan. We had this transfer of my care. I've been with the midwives of Forest, through Centra, which I would love to talk about. But we were there and they transferred my care to UVA, and then when my husband and I went up to get our meeting with the high risk team and create the plan, I was going to do a long-term stay in the hospital. They were just going to try and hold off as long as possible until we would probably end up doing a C-section pretty early. When we went there, the ultrasound actually showed that everything had moved to the right position and that I was in the clear. So then we went back to thinking, what a roller coaster. We went back to thinking, full term pregnancy, and expecting to have him in May for the due date. But that didn't end up happening. I ended up having a placental abruption.
Cami Smith:
Yes. Oh, gosh.
Erin Roop:
I don't know if you've heard of that, but I think something related to... I just had a strange placenta, I suppose. I had a bilobed placenta. So, so random.
Cami Smith:
Yeah. So what caused you to go into preterm labor was not what you originally expected to put you into preterm labor?
Erin Roop:
No.
Cami Smith:
Oh my goodness.
Erin Roop:
I think a different thing.
Cami Smith:
That is such a roller coaster.
Erin Roop:
I know, right? So we had these months that were really stressful and preparing for, okay, we will have a child in the NICU, emotionally preparing for that, and then thinking everything is clear. And then cut to, I was actually teaching, and started bleeding, and drove myself to the hospital, which was luckily a three-minute drive.
Cami Smith:
Yes, VES is very close.
Erin Roop:
And so I am very happy that I was able to deliver at Virginia Baptist because prior to that, we were anticipating that we would be at UVA and that if he was in the NICU there, we would be driving back and forth the whole time. And I actually know a lot of people who work at Virginia Baptist and who had recommended that we go there for labor. So in a way, we got really lucky.
Cami Smith:
It worked out.
Erin Roop:
Because then when my son was in the NICU, we were only a couple of minutes away, living here in Lynchburg.
Cami Smith:
Oh, that's so good. Because that can be really trying, and on top of, that's just a tumultuous experience in and of itself, but then having to drive, I can't imagine being that far. So I'm really glad you guys had that experience. So you said you wanted to talk about your experience with the midwives, so we'll come back to the preemie experience in the NICU, but I want to hear a little bit about the midwife experience.
Erin Roop:
Thank you for keeping track of that because I definitely do want to talk about the midwives at Forest, through Centra. I really can't sing their praises enough. Honestly, this is the best healthcare that I've ever received in my entire life. The midwives at Forest, I really can't recommend them enough.
Cami Smith:
They're an incredible team.
Erin Roop:
Even just for gynecological care, I've struggled in the past to find doctors that, I don't know, there have just been things that they aren't the right fit, or you don't feel comfortable, for whatever reason. And it was important to me that I have females and women as doctors through this experience. That's what I'm more comfortable with. So that's why I went the midwife route. They were the ones who originally found the vasa previa diagnosis there. And although they had to transition my care, they were continuously checking up on me. And then I transitioned back to them because we thought it was all great. And then when I arrived at the hospital here and was so scared and just bleeding a terrifying amount.
Cami Smith:
I cannot imagine.
Erin Roop:
One of my midwives came in, Sydney, she came in and she held my hand. She really held my face. She was there with me.
Cami Smith:
You need that in that moment, seriously.
Erin Roop:
And she didn't have to do that, because my care had been transferred to the doctors here. I had Dr. Schindler that ended up delivering my baby, which is kind of cool because her kids have gone to VES and her youngest is at VES.
Cami Smith:
Oh, I love that.
Erin Roop:
But Sydney was there with me throughout that scary time. And then I had my son and the day after, she came in to check on me and she was not working. So this is the kind of thing that's just deeply compassionate women who worked there, who went out of their way. The whole team of midwives came and checked on me while I was staying in the hospital. Anyone who was there working, if they were there at the hospital, they came to check in on me during that time.
Cami Smith:
Wow. That's incredible.
Erin Roop:
I wasn't with them anymore. They didn't have to do that.
Cami Smith:
They had stepped into your story and just took ownership, which is very cool. And something that I learned recently, and I don't know, maybe this is widely known, but I did not understand, a midwife can be your primary care physician. And so I know you can go to them for gynecological services, but how incredible to also have someone who already knows you so deeply to be a part of your primary care? Because something we talk a lot about on the podcast, because this impacts everything, is your relationship with your primary care provider, and finding the right one, because it might take a few to find the right one, and that's okay. But to have someone who's already been a part of your experience, I think that's really special and that is a really great team. So I love that you had such good experience.
Erin Roop:
They are awesome. Every single one of them, they're amazing. If I can do one recommendation, it's that the midwives of Forest, honestly, even since then, when I'm doing my postpartum care with them, the knowledge that they have given me about my body that has helped me in the recovery process and to understand why I've had certain things happen, as well as the compassion. I never felt like I was just a patient being checked off a list. I always felt that I was a person that they cared about first and foremost.
Cami Smith:
Wow. That's incredible. So well done.
Erin Roop:
Yeah. Midwives of Forest, honestly.
Cami Smith:
That's awesome. Yes.
Erin Roop:
Amazing.
Cami Smith:
So you're saying now you're in Virginia Baptist. Elliot, which is your son's name, he is in the NICU. Tell me about that experience.
Erin Roop:
Oh, my.
Cami Smith:
Well, how long was he there?
Erin Roop:
So he was there for a month. So when I received my original vasa previa diagnosis, I actually got a recommendation from a friend who had had her child in NICU to see a neonatal therapist, which I would also recommend doing if you are someone who has a complicated pregnancy or is anticipating that there maybe an early arrival. Seeing a neonatal therapist was really helpful for me throughout the whole process, and then postpartum as well, which is why I think I'm able to sit here and talk with you about it today, because-
Cami Smith:
You've processed this, and that's so important, taking care of yourself mentally, because to go through something like that.
Erin Roop:
It's really a lot.
Cami Smith:
I've never been there, but I can't imagine how overwhelming that is in an already overwhelming time. It's just exponential.
Erin Roop:
Yeah. So as soon as my son was born, you are immediately separated, because they have to hook them up to all of these things. And it's really scary to have a team come in, and they are amazing at what they do, but although they do that every day, that's not every day for the person having the baby. So not only did I go through the most extreme physical experience of my entire life, the scariest thing I've ever been through, but then I was immediately separated from my child. So I got to see him for this long, and then they took him away and my husband went with them.
Cami Smith:
Oh, good. So he could be with him?
Erin Roop:
Yes. And they encourage the partners, the birthing partners, to go and see the child through with the process so that they can explain everything that they're doing. So he went up there, they explained, this is the O2 sensor, this is the ventilator, this is the isolette. They explained everything that they're hooking him up to.
Cami Smith:
So much. Goodness.
Erin Roop:
And then that takes a while to sink in as well. But yes, then you go back to your hospital room without baby, which is strange, and everyone is giving you a lot of information. So that is really overwhelming. And then I wasn't able to hold him for four days, which I know-
Cami Smith:
Oh my goodness.
Erin Roop:
... for some people I think is a lot longer. Some people have their babies a lot earlier.
Cami Smith:
So that was blessing then, because you got... Okay.
Erin Roop:
Well, it was horrible.
Cami Smith:
You got to. It was horrible.
Erin Roop:
I just want to acknowledge that some people have their babies-
Cami Smith:
A longer season.
Erin Roop:
... yes, a lot longer in NICU than I did. Mine luckily was only 30 days. But a lot of people have a really long stay there, so there's a lot to learn. You're quite immediately thrown into a situation where you have a lot of medical information to learn very, very quickly. Things that you never thought that you would, like I was saying with the pregnancy, that I never would've known about this vasa previa thing.
Cami Smith:
Absolutely. Absolutely. And I want to share real quick, because that first 36 hours feels like months. It's just so much. And so we did sit down with Dr. Travis Engel, who is the chair of pediatrics here at Centra, and he talks about that specifically. And he said something that I had never heard before, and I thought it was so wise. He said the first 24 to 36 months of your child's life begins nine months before. And the preparatory work that goes into just even taking in that time. And so I would encourage you guys to go and listen to that podcast because he's extremely knowledgeable and it does, it aligns with what you're talking about here, because something that you said even off-camera that I wanted to share is you were handed this folder of papers, and I remember that, and I still have the folder for each of my kids with all of the things in it. Because even in that first year or two, it's still so much. I have all of the papers in there, all of the papers from all of your checkups with their measurements and the updates, just all together, because you just want to do it well. You have this little person and you want to love them well and keep them safe. And that's with, I had a very normal experience. I don't know how we define normal, but I delivered a little late, a little later than I wanted to, but I stayed your average stay, and my kids were the average weight, and I was overwhelmed. I think about your experience before and leading up to, and I don't know how you would've even prepared, considering how fast things changed. But yes, go and listen to that podcast with Dr. Engel. It's called, I think, Expectations 24 to 36 Hours After Birth, but definitely Expectations, and it'll be in the podcast lineup.
But back to your experience. As you are back and forth, well, how long was your stay? Because I imagine you were released before your baby was released, and so then thus began the back and forth visitation. What was that like?
Erin Roop:
I think I was there four days total. I had had a hospital stay about a week and a half prior because I had had some light bleeding and went in for observation.
Cami Smith:
So you're real familiar with the hospital.
Erin Roop:
Real familiar with the hospital, the menu, all of that, getting to know the nurses, having some of the same nurses and stuff.
Cami Smith:
Oh, I bet that was kind of nice though. Little comforting.
Erin Roop:
Yeah, it was comforting in since that I already knew the area, and when I arrived here, I knew where I was going and that sort of thing. But yeah, we got really familiar with the process of anyone who, if you have a child in the NICU right now at Virginia Baptist, then you know the deal. But basically, you come in, and at night, actually, they will let you park right up front, which is so nice. But you come in, you show your bracelet that you have like this so that you can get in without having to do the guest thing and everything. You go up, you buzz in, you scrub up, you got to wash all the way up and down your arms for several minutes with a scrub thing and clean your phone with an alcoholic wipe, and they encourage you to not have it out too much. Then you put on the antibacterial gown.
Cami Smith:
Wow. I had no idea you had to suit up.
Erin Roop:
So all of that is a lot.
Cami Smith:
Bunny suit. You had to put on the bunny suit. Wow.
Erin Roop:
Obviously it feels very sterile, because it's supposed to be, but that is another part of what is difficult, I think emotionally, because you go into this, it's scary. You go in there and even if everyone is telling you, "Your baby will be okay, so many babies have gone through this process before, my son or so-and-so that I know is 42 years old and 6'4" and thriving." They tell you that. But the reality of it is you still have to live through that experience.
Cami Smith:
Yeah, because this is your experience.
Erin Roop:
You can't cut past that. Even if you know and trust the medical team, that they are going to get your child through that process, you still have to live the day to day. And the day-to-day is horrible. It was very, very depressing because we're separated from our kid. We come home, we have this joyous thing that happens to you, which is, I had a child. It's life changing in a positive way, but there's this giant cloud over it, and you have to go and you have to, I don't want to say get permission, but you can't just see your-
Cami Smith:
It's a process.
Erin Roop:
It's a whole process, from going there and going through the whole process of getting in and getting the rundown every time you come in on the medical care, "Okay, we're transitioning from this to this. We're doing X, Y, and Z." It's really just a lot. It was a very hard time in my life, and it did not go by quickly. That was certainly the longest month of my whole life.
Cami Smith:
Yeah, I can imagine. Wow. Well, thank you for being so vulnerable with that. I think that so often we want to just get past the hard things, and it is so important to recognize that this is difficult, and if you find yourself in that situation, I think that is such great advice. You're in it, feel it. This is real. Trust, but also understand that this is going to be hard. So what type of support did have? You talked about, was it a neonatal therapist?
Erin Roop:
Yes.
Cami Smith:
Okay. What was that like?
Erin Roop:
So luckily, I had met her once or twice prior in person, but luckily she was able to do virtual meetings for me since everything was crazy and the schedule was crazy. But I found that really helpful because I have friends and family who are extremely supportive, but I did want to say, I don't know who's going to listen to this podcast, and I would hope that some people listening are people who are supporting those who have a child in the NICU, not just parents, but it'll probably resonate for parents as well, if you're currently in the NICU process right now. But I think something that was a bit frustrating is people's responses, because, like I said, it's a really joyous thing that you had a kid, but it's also really difficult-
Cami Smith:
Yeah. There's tension.
Erin Roop:
... what you're going through. And I think for that reason, we found that we got two extreme responses from people. People don't really know how to respond the right way, so I wanted to talk about what I would've liked, but what ended up happening most often was either, "I'm so happy for you, congratulations," all positive. Or, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I'm so sorry for you, poor baby."
Cami Smith:
You didn't want to be coddled.
Erin Roop:
It feels a bit, I don't know, like too much pity, I guess. And so I found that somewhere in the middle is the best response of acknowledging how wonderful it is that you had a kid, but also acknowledging that it's hard because when people are continuously telling you you'll get through, it'll all be okay, it's a bit dismissive of the fact of what I told you, Cami. You have to live through that. You don't have a choice. You can't skip past it. You have to live the amount of days that your child is in the hospital. So I would recommend that if you have a loved one in the NICU that, try to find a balance with the way that you support them in your comments, because it is equally joyous and devastating.
Cami Smith:
That's so good.
Erin Roop:
I think also the best thing you can do caring for people in that situation is not asking what you can do for them, because it puts the onus back on the parents to come up with something for you to do. And sometimes it's hard to ask for help directly. It feels a little bit weird or icky to say, "Can you bring me food?" Or-
Cami Smith:
Yes. Well, there's so much on your mind.
Erin Roop:
"Can you pick this up?"
Cami Smith:
Sometimes it's like you don't know you're hungry until you're hungry. It's like asking for help, you often realize you need help long after you should have asked for help. And so I think that's great advice.
Erin Roop:
Just do it. Show up.
Cami Smith:
Just be there. Yes. Just show up. Yeah, I think that's great advice.
Erin Roop:
The helpful things really were people who were just dropping off food, really just texting or calling and saying, "Hey, we're going to bring something by," not asking as much, or just sending gift cards for food or different stores for clothing and baby supplies. Because that way we weren't put in a position to say, "Can you do this for me?"
Cami Smith:
Yeah. That's hard.
Erin Roop:
Does that make sense?
Cami Smith:
Absolutely. Well, I think that's hard in general. It's hard for anyone, I think about being at home and I'm always doing, and I look at my kids and I'm like, "You live here too. I shouldn't have to ask you to do because there's things to be done, so let's work together and see. Let's practice seeing what needs to be done." And it's hard on both sides of it, but I think it's really good advice because I've been on the other side where it's like, you want to do something and you don't know what, and so here is your answer to that question, if you aren't there.
Erin Roop:
Your answer.
Cami Smith:
Just show up.
Erin Roop:
Just do something.
Cami Smith:
Be there. Do something. Be proactive. Send a gift card, if nothing else.
Erin Roop:
And don't ask, "What can I do for you?" Just do the thing.
Cami Smith:
That's incredible. So you were able to test this parent app that the Graham Foundation, which we mentioned at the beginning, they made this app available, and you said it was in that pack of papers, and you found it. So how did that process, what was the initiation of that like? Did you call and say, "Hey, I want to do this," or how did that come about?
Erin Roop:
Well, it was probably through Kathleen, because-
Cami Smith:
Oh, I love that.
Erin Roop:
... she's such a great friend.
Cami Smith:
She is.
Erin Roop:
If you know her, then to know her is to love her.
Cami Smith:
Yes. She's wonderful.
Erin Roop:
She does so many things for the greater good of Lynchburg. Love you, Kathleen. So she reached out to me and told me that I could beta test this app and wanted to be supportive of us in our journey. And like we said earlier, there is a lot of medical information that is thrown at you that you're just all of a sudden in the situation. And I'm sure you can relate to just having had children, all of a sudden being a parent.
Cami Smith:
Oh my gosh.
Erin Roop:
All of a sudden being a parent to a child who's in the hospital is that much more overwhelming.
Cami Smith:
Next level.
Erin Roop:
There's so much terminology to learn. And although the nurses are really great about explaining when you ask, the app has a complete dictionary of terms, alphabetically. You can click and read on anything. So if it's bradycardia or apnea or whatever the term is that they use, you can click and you can read a whole page of information and how that relates to neonatal care.
Cami Smith:
So instead of having to, because I think I Googled so much, oh my goodness, but instead of having to make a list of all the things you need to Google, you have this app that has pulled everything together in one place right at your fingertips. Goodness. That's incredible. What were some of the things you loved most? I know you mentioned the glossary-
Erin Roop:
The glossary is the best.
Cami Smith:
... and how that was incredible. What were some other things?
Erin Roop:
Well, there is a diary feature on there, so you can just write freeform if you want. But I think the second most helpful thing from the glossary is probably where you can track feeding and growth. Because when you are in the ICN, every little milestone means so much. So you're talking about going from, oh, they were able to eat 10 more milliliters today. That's huge. Or we've moved the oxygen down from this number to this number, working our way towards room air. So every little step, it feels so important because it's getting your child that much closer to being released, and being able to track those things I think is just a nice feature to have personally as a way to feel more of a participant, I guess, because you're taken away from being able to care for your child directly, which is a strange feeling.
Cami Smith:
And you're trusting the process, like you talked about.
Erin Roop:
Yes. You just have to just trust that everything. And I felt very comfortable that he was there. I knew I couldn't care for him at home, he needed all the support systems. So I definitely trust the doctors and nurses and knew that he was in good hands, but you feel powerless that you can't care for your child yourself. So I think being able to track something allows you to have a little bit more agency in the care of your kid.
Cami Smith:
That's really powerful. I'm a big data person, and I love numbers because when it comes to data, numbers represent people, in most cases, and those people represent stories. And I think about for you, those numbers represented so much more than just a fluctuating of a machine.
Erin Roop:
Oh, for sure.
Cami Smith:
It was so representational of home and growth and health, and gosh, when it's your child, man, it just hits in such a different way. And so that's really cool that that's recognized, because that is not something that I would have intuitively thought to do. And so to have an app that is opening your eyes to this very deeper way of experiencing this process. And we were looking it a little bit earlier, and there were just so many different things, like the journaling. It's so important to get outside of your own head what is happening, and to put that down on paper and that's there. And your glossary, gosh, I would've been in living that glossary.
Erin Roop:
Yeah, I read so much on there.
Cami Smith:
Wow, that's incredible.
Erin Roop:
But like you said, just having it all in one place is tremendously helpful. And then you might come across a term that you hadn't thought about. But I did want to circle back to the nurses in the care. They did an amazing job of explaining things to us. And I think what the nurses do the best is being able to make you feel comfortable in that space, in a space that, like I said, feels very sterile.
They are able to casually joke about cord management. They'll say these jokes about, "This is on my resume," because your kid is attached to all these cords that they have to move and fasten and to allow you to hold them. And so they can make you feel comfortable doing that. It's a bit scary. Having a kid that small and you're like, "Oh, am I going to hurt them?" And they can talk to you about the care that they're providing in a way that is less intimidating. Or say the monitors are going off and it's really scary because it's beeping and you don't know what's going on. They can come over and say, "Oh, what are you doing, little man? Let's get you fixed up."
Cami Smith:
They're so good.
Erin Roop:
The way that they do it, they make it feel so normal, and they talk. They spoke to Elliot constantly.
Cami Smith:
Yeah, that's really sweet.
Erin Roop:
[inaudible 00:31:44]. Get emotional at that.
Cami Smith:
That's so sweet. Well, it's such an emotional thing when someone else takes the time to care for your child in a way that you would want to provide care.
Erin Roop:
Yeah. And I'm not done, I want to keep telling you about the amazing nurses.
Cami Smith:
Please do. Please do.
Erin Roop:
I think that the nurses, specifically really the night shift nurses I wanted to shout out, but all of the nurses there, of course, but they really make an effort to do those little things. And I'm going to give you examples of things that were done for us. The night nurses texted us pictures and updates of Elliot at night so that when we woke up in the morning, we had a picture to look at with a little stuffed animal in the isolette, or, oh, giving him a bath, that kind of thing. "This is how we did last night. We took him from this oxygen to this," all of that. They also, Lauren and Katie, two of our favorite nurses there, they made his footprints in paint and they made a little craft paper out of it with bunny ears that says, "Somebody loves you."
Cami Smith:
Oh, I love it.
Erin Roop:
And they even laminated it and everything so that it's a keepsake. They gave us little care packages. They made sure that we drank water and had access to snacks, that we were comfortable in our seating. All of those things I wanted to say specifically so that you know how wonderful the nurses are there. And then Tina Rourke is a nurse there who, she's been there for years in the ICN, and she calls the babies her little sweet potatoes.
Cami Smith:
I love it.
Erin Roop:
She is absolutely amazing. She was there with my husband when Elliot arrived and took him up and explained everything to him. And was just so reassuring to him that, "He's going to be okay, we're going to care for him." And then Ms. Tina, we had the pleasure of having throughout Elliot's care there, and she's absolutely amazing. I don't even know how to explain it, but Tina Rourke is a very commendable nurse. And Lauren and Katie I mentioned as well, they're the kind of people that we would hear casually mention they're doing volunteer work on the weekend on their off time. These are genuinely good people.
Cami Smith:
Yeah. The kind of people you want a part of that process.
Erin Roop:
And they make sure to have consistency of care, which I think is really important Centra makes an effort to assign nurses consistently to the same children, so that the parents and the child can develop a relationship with them.
Cami Smith:
Oh, I didn't know that.
Erin Roop:
Yeah, so I think that care continuity was really helpful.
Cami Smith:
So you essentially had this little family unit that was stepping in.
Erin Roop:
Yeah, we did.
Cami Smith:
That's incredible.
Erin Roop:
Had some great doctors too, Dr. Taylor and Pam. And when we were leaving at the end of it, I almost couldn't believe, we're actually leaving.
Cami Smith:
This is happening.
Erin Roop:
We're leaving the hospital with our son. And I just looked around and saw all these people that just really surrounded us with so much love.
Cami Smith:
Yeah. Oh, gosh. I'm so thankful that you had that experience and that that's there. I think it's so important for someone who already knows. You had the opportunity at one point, and it changed for you, but you were anticipating an early birth. And so I think those who are in that position to hear this, there's so much hope and there's so much comfort in hearing who is waiting for you on the other side of those doors, because they take their work very seriously. So how's Elliot doing now?
Erin Roop:
Oh my gosh, he's doing so well. He is fat and happy.
Cami Smith:
And that's good because he was a very small baby. What was his weight when he was born?
Erin Roop:
Four pounds, which we were lucky that he was born at four pounds even. Honestly, because five pounds I think is the minimum for you to be able to take your child home from the hospital, that's a minimum weight. And they would usually weigh more than that anyways because they're going to err on the side of caution, if anything, and be there longer, to make sure that they're really okay to go home. They're not going to send you home with a baby that's not ready to come home. They're going to wait more time, if anything. But five pounds is that minimum number so we were really happy that he was already coming in close to that. And a lot of people have children a lot smaller, like I said, a lot sooner.
Cami Smith:
Yes, very tiny.
Erin Roop:
And that's another thing, we did meet other parents while we were there. You see the same people every day, keep track of-
Cami Smith:
You're there supporting each other.
Erin Roop:
Yeah, exactly.
Cami Smith:
It's a very unique experience, I imagine.
Erin Roop:
But he's doing great now. He's just continuously gaining weight and recently started smiling a lot, which is very fun.
Cami Smith:
Yes, it is fun. All of the new things. Each new thing is incredible. And I feel like as our kids grow, you get to know, it's like you're meeting this new next version of them, which is very cool, but it's a sweet stage.
Erin Roop:
Well, and the way that we felt so prepared to bring him home, I will say, is because of the nurses in the NICU. Because caring for a preemie, I don't want to scare anyone who, if you're going to have one and know that you are, I don't want to scare you, but it is more work involved, specifically with feeding your child, because feeding is the biggest obstacle, because feeding and breathing go hand in hand. And so there's a thing that's often referenced as suck, swallow, breathe. They have to learn how to coordinate those three things simultaneously. And that's really hard for a premature baby. They can do one of those things maybe, they're working on all of them. But putting them together is difficult.
Cami Smith:
I didn't know this.
Erin Roop:
So we would have experiences when we had the privilege to move from gavage feeding tube to feeding him with a bottle. We would have experiences where he would stop breathing for a minute and you smack him on the back and the monitors are going off and it's quite scary. But the nurses are there with you and they show you what to do. And they do the things like I said, like Lauren would come over and say, "Oh, Elliot, what are you doing?" And just pick him up. And she would provide that care that she's very qualified to do because the woman is an expert. But she would do it in a way that made you feel like it wasn't so scary. And Tina would do things like, I'm specifically referencing the people that I know and love at the hospital for a reason.
Cami Smith:
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Erin Roop:
She'd come over and say, "Have you done this yet? Have you done med administration? That's one thing we can check off for Elliot to make sure that you know how to give the proper dosage of the multivitamin, or the iron supplement, or whatever it is." And Lauren and Katie helping us, when you're terrified to even just hold your child because they feel so fragile, helping us get to give him his first bath, which is-
Cami Smith:
Such a big moment.
Erin Roop:
... such a big first experience, but making sure that you feel confident doing that.
Cami Smith:
Yeah, it's scary. The first is scary.
Erin Roop:
It is scary.
Cami Smith:
I mean, it was scary for me, and yeah, I can't imagine. So your first bath was in the hospital?
Erin Roop:
Yeah. And I say bath, but you just mostly squeezed water.
Cami Smith:
Sponge situation. Yes.
Erin Roop:
But what they did for us was they make sure that you have practiced all of the skills that you will need to do with your child at home. And they're very much on a specific schedule from the hospital. They feed them every three hours, however much amount that is very strategically increased per their weight and measurements and how preterm they were, and all of their calories are calculated and all of this, which actually makes it, I don't want to say easier to come home, but it makes you more prepared in a way than a parent who has a full-term baby would be to bring your child home, because you know exactly how much they eat, you know exactly when they eat. You've practiced all of the things to care for them before you've even gotten them home. Whereas I'm sure, when you had your children, you were just handed a baby.
Cami Smith:
I was so shocked when they told us we could go home, and I felt very much so, are you sure? Can we go? Even driving home felt surreal.
Erin Roop:
So we didn't feel that way. And so in a way-
Cami Smith:
That's so good.
Erin Roop:
... that is a positive, because you come home knowing already, you've practiced all the skills to care for your child. You've already done the bath, you've already fed them, you know exactly when they eat and sleep. All of that is very routine for the NICU babies. So when we were asked by the team, which they do, they ask you, "How do you feel about bringing your baby home?" Because they consider, not only do they think if your kid is developmentally ready to go home, but how are you feeling about bringing them home?
We said, "We feel great about it. We feel really confident." Even with minor apnea, or him just sort of getting a little bit, I don't even know if it would be considered apnea at that point, but just struggling to eat and getting choked up more easily, we felt very confident that we could manage those situations, because they didn't let us be bystanders. We were put in the position to practice care for our child, which matters with bonding. Like I said, you're separated from your kid and you feel a bit powerless that you can't care for them full time. So I'm really grateful to the nurses and the doctors in the ICN at Virginia Baptist for allowing us as much opportunity as they did, and they do it for a reason, that opportunity.
Cami Smith:
They're very good at what they do. Yes. Well, thank you. Thank you for sharing all of this. And a lot of what Erin talked about, we'll put some of those resources in the description, so the link to where you can learn more about the Graham Foundation app, but also maybe some birthing classes at Virginia Baptist. There's a lot that's available that you may not know. I did not know. Some things are available.
Erin Roop:
And they have a class that prepares you to take your preemie home as well, so they want you to do the journey home class before you come home, which goes through all the infant safety-
Cami Smith:
So good.
Erin Roop:
... all of that stuff.
Cami Smith:
Okay. So we'll put some of this information in the description. We want, especially those who are anticipating being new parents, or just parents again. Each time is so different and it's important to just be ready. And so thank you for sharing your experience and for shouting out some of those very specific people. I love seeing that connection that was made, because you remember names when those people go above and beyond for you, and so yeah.
Erin Roop:
One more. I mentioned Lauren in the ICN. I mentioned Tina Rourke. Lauren in the ICN, I don't know your last name, I'm so sorry, but everyone knows who you are. And Katie. But I also wanted to mention Lauren Setchel, who delivered my baby, for being there with me, quite literally holding my hand, when I was terrified.
Cami Smith:
And that's a big deal. Oh my goodness. Being in that room, it's a special place, but you need that support, for sure.
Erin Roop:
Let's include some links to some neonatal therapists in the description as well.
Cami Smith:
Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. I love that side of it. That was one thing that I had not even thought about before you mentioned it, but I think we're all learning and it's becoming more accepted that your mental health is parallel with these big moments that you're experiencing. And to have a therapist that is so very specialized, that's pretty incredible. So yes, we'll put some links in there as well for you to check that out.
So thank you all for joining us on & So Much More, and we'll see you next time.
